The past few months have been a rollercoaster ride. And even that is an understatement.

In April, I wanted to kill myself. In May, I met Dante.

To say that he is the reason I stayed home would be wrong. I don't know how to word this.

When we got to Somerville, I just kinda woke up. You know? If I moved to CA, I wouldn't have nights like that ever again. I wouldn't be able to drive somewhere at 2am with my best friend to meet some guy.

But it's almost September. So much has changed since then. And so much has changed since last September, when I was depressed as fuck.

I'm more confrontational. I stand up for myself. I like that.

But my trust, it's so bad. Like, so bad that I can't have a normal friendship or relationship. I question everything.

Sometimes, I just want to be like "Fuck relationships, everything, and everyone". And then other times, I just want to talk to someone and let them into the tiniest corners and nooks of my messed up little mind.

I don't want to sound like a whiny teenager but I just dont feel like anyone understands me.

I don't fucking know anymore.