What The Fuck Is Happening

I don't know where I went wrong. My week has been horrible. I don't know what to do or where to go. Nothing is going right.

I can't do anything right anymore. My parents don't even like me anymore. They don't enjoy my company. If anything, they ignore my presence. It hurts so bad and I can't take this neglect.

I'm not a needy person and I can usually entertain myself most days, but a little bit of company is nice once in a while. This is ridiculous. I really hope that my sister was serious when she said that I could move in with her once she and Kevin got a house. I can't take this anymore. I hate this place. I'm miserable and sad here. This house is not a home.

I would rather jump off a cliff than live with my parents. I hate it here. I don't know how many times I can reword what I'm trying to say.

This. Fucking. Blows.

I want to be wanted. That's all I'm asking for.

Happy Like A Fool

I'm in the middle of two writing projects. Both of them are connected to "When Yesterday Is Gone" and "Tell Me Again".

The dilemmas: 1. Which do I finish first? 2. How do I avoid getting the continuity fucked up?

Honestly, if I drew a diagram, the connected stories would look like a giant spiderweb. Guess this explains why I never achieved making a family tree, because it would end up looking like a forest. :)

This week has been busy. The weekend is going to be insane too. I love being busy.

I still need to figure out next weekend. I'm trying to avoid the family party at all costs. Because:

1. My sister isn't going.

2.I hate my cousin's best friends.

3. I'm tired of following her and her little posse around all day.

Nothing new with the family. As my dad says, "No news is good news."

One thing I'd like to add: Karma was a bitch. To me.

This Is To All Of Us

It's 6:58pm and my day isn't even close to being over, unfortunately. I have two projects that I'm in the middle of writing, both love stories, which I'm not used to. So, hopefully, I won't suck too much.

I actually miss my job. I miss all of the regular customers with their "regular dogs" like Lola the French Bulldog, Hunny Bunny the Pomeranian, Bella and Baron the Great Danes, Jericho the Scottish Terrier, and Frasier the Long-haired Dachsund.

That's it for today. I have a semi-busy week, which is good.

Here's a very short passage from my project called "Careless Souls":

"We sat on a blue couch, away from everyone else. We just sat, not saying a word. I'll admit, I liked the silence. It was peaceful and calming. Like no one would ever bother or harm us in this cold world."

Title Town!

Today was my first full day of unemployment and let me tell you that it felt wonderful. For the past two weeks, I thought that I would be skipping out of there. But I was actually kind of sad. Despite the people I hated there, there were a few people that I really liked. If I could compare the experience, I would compare it to graduating high school.

I don't have many plans for this coming week. I need to clean the rabbit house and that's about it.

Today was amazing beyond words. My nephew, Declan, came over and it was just me, Tim and Meredith. We took him to Wal-Mart to get him some toys and it was a blast. I sat in the backseat with him and every time he began to cry, I'd give him a gold fish cracker :)

I felt bad tonight because my brother and sister bailed on Father's Day dinner. So, me and Mum took him out to dinner, just the three of us. It was nice but i still felt bad.

I'm extremely happy right now. I feel like I'm on cloud 9 right now. I just hope it lasts!

I was bummed that I missed the Bruins Parade, but I was just as amused when people stormed into the store pissed about their car being towed. Well, that's what you get for illegally parking and walking down to the train station :)

Tomorrow, I'm cleaning all day before it gets any hotter. The hermit crab is still alive! I can't decide what to name him.

Anyways, to sum everything up: No one can knock me off of Cloud 9!

A Bit Tired, A Bit Loopy

But i'm slightly okay with it. i'm glad i'm tired because maybe i'll get in some sleep. When i'm bored, I make random lists about random things. At least once a day, someone says to me, "You are so random". Sometimes it gets switched up a bit and someone says, "You are so fucking random."

Random Facts:
I laugh easily at anything

I love scary movies but won't sleep with the light off for at least 2 weeks

I hate hot weather

I have a loud laugh

my sister is my best friend

my nails are always painted, never bare

as a child, i was a tomboy and now i'm polar opposite

i love going to the dentist

as a child, I wanted to be a waitress as an adult

eeyore and thumper were my favorite disney characters

ariel and jasmine were my favorite disney princesses

My Most Frequently Visited Sites:

Facebook

AOL

Dear Blank Please Blank

Not Always Right

Indeed

PostSecret

Forbes [seriously]

Favorite Things to Do:

go on vacation to NH

LAUGH

write

take pictures

play with my animals

listen to music

goodnight! again! :)

Head for Hills, The Kitchen's On Fire!

Tomorrow is my second to last day at work. I'm supposed to be asleep by now, but I'm not tired. I need my eight hours, but I know it won't be possible.

Is everyone as happy as they appear to be?

I don't think so. I had decent day. I woke up at 4PM, watched television, and had lunch/dinner. I didn't get to work on my story at all and I'm thankful that Chris agreed to proofread "When Yesterday Is Gone".

My mother expects a spotless house. And my brother isn't making it easy. They come home tomorrow morning but nothing is done and as I had already said, I should be asleep by now. So, that has basically put me in a bad mood tonight.

When my parents come home, everything will be back to the way it was: arguing, isolating ourselves, etc. All that drama that I really don't want to face.

Something that I have realized recently is that it is so much easier to talk to people you dont really know very well. For instance, my managers. Or Chris. And sometimes, Mona, when we used to talk. Simple words of kindness cheer me up. But when reality sets in on Sunday, I don't know if a few words from Chris or anyone else for that matter, will make me feel better.

I think it's up to myself in some ways. I mean, I can't expect people to just make me happy. They have their own lives, their own problems, and their own loved ones to tend to. It's not fair for them if I throw my problems at them and make myself a burden to them.

But the truth is, I can't. I cannot stand on my own two feet right now. I have no anchor, no rock, no nothing. But I need to find something before I lose more people, like I had lost Melly, Aimee, and Jacob. I'm pushy and I don't mean to be that way. But I already know the outcome because people always leave.

Still not tired, but I'm going to try and fall asleep. Goodnight

People Always Leave

Nothing has really gotten any better. The family drama has gotten worse, but much more quiet. I'd rather the yelling and crying instead of this cold silence. My sister and her fiance aren't really talking to my parents or my brother. I really don't blame them.

I spent the day with my sister, M, and I told her that I would always choose her side. We talked about the whole situation and it just makes me want to escape even more.

She said that once she and K get married, they're going to find a new place to live, even further away than their current place. I'm so sad about that, but I completely understand her point of view. I would do the same thing. This just means I have to get my permit, which I will do very soon.

My parents are away on vacation, again. They are always gone. I understand that too. I get that they want to get away, but so do I. But I have no choice but to stay here.

When my parents return, I know we'll have to talk about school. But I know I'll just start crying. I depended on Curry to get me out of here. Now, that dream is long gone. So, I will tell them that I choose community college, and then I'll try and walk away. It breaks my heart just writing about it. I don't know what my life will become. All I know is that I am fucking petrified.

People always leave. I really don't blame them. I mean, who wants to listen to my problems? I'm in ruins. I'm a mess. I. Am. So. Broken.

I texted Mona two weeks ago. No reply. She was like my real-life Mr. Owl. I still can't find Gisela. I always think about her. I wish she had a Facebook, but I know she doesn't because the girl doesn't even have a computer.

Everyone's gone. They say they care. They say that they're here for me. They say that they'll always listen. They say it will get better. But they don't really care. They're not really here for me. They don't always listen. And it hasn't gotten better. So, the next time I hear one of those universal lies, I will not listen. I will not be fooled. I'm not trying to pessimistic. I'm just trying to be realistic.

When it comes to people, I have lowered my expectations. It's a shame. It really is.

I always end up receiving the short end of the stick. I mean, I am so nice to people no matter what. When I have bitchy customers, I tell them to have a nice day with a huge fucking smile. I actually hate the majority of my co-workers, but I have never talked about them behind their backs. I've always been nice to everyone. At the end of the day, I am ignored, stepped on, and disliked. I know this sounds childish, but i dont understand why I get treated like this. It's not fair.

This is such a negative post. It's misleading. I'm a genuinely happy person. I like to think of myself as normal. I like long walks on the beach (seriously!), animals, funny movies, shopping, and fruit (random).

Well, if I don't clean my room before Sunday, then I'm screwed. And I would like to work on my current writing project. AND tonight is Game 7 in Vancouver so I must watch that. Hopefully today will be good. Sun's out!

It's a charmed life

Innocence wild

Crayola skies for a thousand miles

It's a good life in the happily ever after

Last page of the very last chapter

It's the story of a charmed life

-Leigh Nash