I don't know how to be strong anymore. I'm trying to hold myself together for my friends but I just can't do it anymore. I feel like I've been torn to pieces. I don't know how to deal with this. I can't do this anymore.

There's a tightness in my chest that won't go away. It just aches and throbs. I feel like I can't breathe and no one has noticed yet.

I sit here and no one sees that I'm breaking down on the inside. My insecurities and fears are eating me alive and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

When I think of my friends who are good students or who are making a living, I feel like such a failure. I mean, they're in good schools with certain goals. They go to class like they're supposed to. They go to sleep like they're supposed to.

I can't even manage to attend all of my classes. I'm just physically and emotional drained this semester and I just can't do it. At this point, I don't want to finish school. I'll be so old when I graduate and it will be so fucking embarrassing. I can't take it.

I've failed as a sister, aunt, and daughter. And now, I'm failing as a student and a contributing member of society.

I think my friends are great. They're going to make a difference out of college, I just know it. And they might downplay if I ever tell them this, but I think it's true. I know it's unhealthy to compare myself to them and I know they won't like it if I tell them that I do it.

I wish I could shake these feelings but I can't. Not today.

I'm falling apart again. I've lost myself in my pain. I don't know who I am anymore and it just sucks. I feel numbness and pain at the same time.

I truly hate myself and I hate feeling this way. I really wanted to kill myself last night. I found nothing worth living for. My CA friends would be fine without me. They'd get over me being gone.

I just hate who I am. I hate everything about myself. I want to die and come back as someone else. I want to trade lives with someone else. I'm not strong enough for this life. I can't overcome this. I'm out of energy. I'm just tired. Please let me give up.

I just want to sleep every day. I don't want to wake up. I just want peace. I'm tired of the pain. I'm tired of everything. Waking up is so hard to do these days. Nothing interests me anymore. Writing, playing my keyboard, drawing- none of that matters much to me anymore. It saddens me. I miss the rush I get when I write. Now, I look at my writing and I just hate all of it. The words on the screen will never be good enough for me anymore.

I hate everything. I hate how this weakness is taking over me. I hate how I feel so discouraged. I hate how alone I feel when I know I have friends here for me. I hate how I cannot trust anything, not even my own heart.