I'm falling apart again. I've lost myself in my pain. I don't know who I am anymore and it just sucks. I feel numbness and pain at the same time.

I truly hate myself and I hate feeling this way. I really wanted to kill myself last night. I found nothing worth living for. My CA friends would be fine without me. They'd get over me being gone.

I just hate who I am. I hate everything about myself. I want to die and come back as someone else. I want to trade lives with someone else. I'm not strong enough for this life. I can't overcome this. I'm out of energy. I'm just tired. Please let me give up.

I just want to sleep every day. I don't want to wake up. I just want peace. I'm tired of the pain. I'm tired of everything. Waking up is so hard to do these days. Nothing interests me anymore. Writing, playing my keyboard, drawing- none of that matters much to me anymore. It saddens me. I miss the rush I get when I write. Now, I look at my writing and I just hate all of it. The words on the screen will never be good enough for me anymore.

I hate everything. I hate how this weakness is taking over me. I hate how I feel so discouraged. I hate how alone I feel when I know I have friends here for me. I hate how I cannot trust anything, not even my own heart.