I can feel myself falling apart one moment at a time. But it's weird because I feel good...? Does that even make sense?

Maybe I'm just restless. I know what's going to happen next summer but I'm just waiting for it now.

I cut again. The day before yesterday. I made 2 cuts. I was stressed. I was overwhelmed. I know I shouldn't have any excuses. I thought I could stop. But I guess I can't. I can't even tell anyone anymore.

I'm on back on my super unhealthy diet. I don't even know why or when I stopped. Last time I dieted like this, I lost like 10 pounds in 2 weeks. So, I'm back on it. Yay me?

School is fucking killing me. I'm literally exhausted all week. On school days, I go to sleep before 9pm. Then on Wednesdays and Fridays, I catch up on sleep and stay in bed til 3-ish. I'm absolutely drained.

In the fall, my classes are an hour away at the other campus. I swear, I'm going to die. But in the end, it's going to be worth it. It just has to be.

I really want the HBO internship. I will be on cloud 9 if I get it. I'll be in sunny California next summer if I play my cards right. I need a 3.5 GPA. I will literally die trying to keep my grades up.

I don't know. I just don't know what's going on anymore. I'm losing my sense of self. I fucking hate today.