I know I'm being pushed into a relationship with him. But to be honest, I'm not ready for one. Yes, I'd like to have a boyfriend, but I'm not ready. I'm not mentally or emotionally ready.

I was on the phone with him, Woody, and their friend. We talked about Valentine's Day. Awkward. I want one, like who doesn't? But like I said, NOT READY.

There are a lot of things that I need to figure out. This semester in school is a lot of work. The workload is a lot.

I still have to figure out this whole cutting and depression thing. Last night was almost unbearable. Not only did I want to cut, I literally wanted to slice into my arms a million times. But I held back. I did it.

Last night, I was yelled at and shit. I was bitched at through texting. I talked to my mom and Amanda about it. DM didn't answer my text to him. I survived the night.

Last night, I wanted to bleed in a million fucking places. But I didn't. The anxiety was killing me.