The Hardest Part of Ending Is Starting Again

Today was nothing special, but I was in a great mood. I felt a bit alive today, baby steps.

I dreamt about an old friend the other night. It was completely random and out of the blue. I hadn't seen him in years. Maybe, he would understand me... Anyways, I'm not thinking much about it.

Why? Because I can't trust anyone anymore. Sure, I'll call you, text you, joke with you, hang out with you. But I will never let anyone in. I'll never let my guard down ever again. I have been hurt, disappointed, and abandoned by the very people I thought were there for me. I was obviously wrong, and now, I will never let that happen again.

I'm fine with superficial relationships from now on. I'm more than happy to discuss movies, music, and all of that shit. But I'm not telling anyone what I'm feeling, what I'm going through, and all of that shit. I'm not making that mistake ever again. I'll tell you a joke, a fun fact, how to get somewhere, a restaurant review, whatever, but never what's going on inside.

Why? Because trust me, you won't care. Nobody cares, so I'd rather not waste my time nor your time. You have no idea what's going on in my head. You don't want to know. You'll never know. When I survive this, you will never know this "me". It's better this way.

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Is it really October? Is the year really almost over? Where the fuck did it go?? So much has happened this year. I reconnected with a couple of friends, I've lost some, whatever. Time happens. Time is a kind of magic. Time changes people, for the better, and for the worst. Time results in families, heartbreak, laughter, everything. We are so dependent on time, and most of the time, we never notice.

Time can also be cruel. Time comes between friends. Time turns people bitter. It makes people impatient and frustrated. Time makes people forget. And we must never ever forget.

An aquaintance asked me, "If you were going to die tomorrow, what's best piece of advice you would leave for mankind?"

My answer was, "I would tell everyone to accept the outcasts, forgive your enemies, love your family first, hug the lonely, feed the hungry, and never forget your inner child."

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I've successfully avoided my English paper. I'd rather gauge out my eyes than write it.

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I'm also in love with this new brand of cigarettes that I've bought. I'm going to marry it. Haha