One Step Too Late And I Never Told You

It's funny how things change. It's funny how people change. It's funny how the big things don't matter anymore. It's funny how you're not worth a phone call anymore. It's funny how they're gone in a flash. It's funny how people move on, without you.

But what's funny is that none of this is funny at all. In fact, it stings. It doesn't "suck" or "bomb". It is just sad. It is a sad story. I've had some awesome relationships that always started with "Once upon a time" but they never ended with "The End". No, it's like the author just never finished the goddamn story.

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I don't know what to write tonight. My mind is in a million places, very high and very low.

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There's still one person I want to talk to. I know he'll understand. I don't know why he would but I have a strong feeling he would. It frightens me because if he doesn't care, maybe no one will. Just like my prediction.

I don't ask of much. All I want is for someone to listen. You don't have to give me advice. You don't have to cheer me up. You don't have to hug me. I just want you to listen. That's all I'm asking for.

What really sucks about this is that I can't write. The story I'm writing hasn't been worked on in months. I don't want to fuck it up with the emotions I feel on a daily basis. When I get better, I'll go back to my story.

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It's hard to move on. To move away from all of this pain. I busy myself but at the end of the day, it's still there. I know I can't run from my problems. I would deal with them if I only knew how.

I'm trying so hard to be happy. You have no idea. I just plaster these fake smiles on my face all day, every day. I make jokes and goof around. I listen to good, fun music.

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I'm coming out of my little bubble of safety. My comfort zone. I want baby steps, but in my mind, I feel like I'm taking leaps. It's uncomfortable. I'm trying to break out of my shell but it's so hard. I just want to stay home and do random shit. But I know that is not a healthy lifestyle. I think I have a mild anxiety disorder. So much is wrong with me.

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I truly and sadly believe that some people aren't always meant to stay in our lives but just pass through in order to teach us a lesson and shape us into the people we were meant to be. It is a sad kind of thing. But it has reason. I believe it. So many people have passed through in my lifetime so far and they've all changed me in ways that I cannot describe, both good and bad. They are no longer friends of mine but I'll never forget them. I've had the best memories with them that I'll never forget. But they're gone. And I wish them nothing but the best.