It's been days since I've cried but as I write this, salty rivers are running down my cheeks.
I'm trying so fucking hard to pull myself together. I try so fucking hard to get out of bed every day. I try so fucking hard to put a smile on my face. Every night, I literally ask myself "Is this real? Are you sure I'm not sleeping?" No, this is very real. And very harsh.
Here's the truth. At the end of the day, no one cares. No one ever cares, no matter how much they fake it. They don't care how your day went. They don't care about school. They don't care about shit. I need to get used to this.
And you know, I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough friend. I'm sorry I wasn't funny enough. I'm sorry I wasn't smart enough. I'm sorry for everything.
I'm starting to lose hope because I'm putting so much effort into finding that lost girl again, and I end up at dead ends every damn day. I'm trying to be that girl again. I just can't. But part of me doesn't want to give up.
You know what else blows? I honestly think I'm a good person and yet that's not good enough. I truly truly believe that everyone is good. There is good in EVERYONE. Even the people who left me behind. I believe they are all good. Isn't that fucking pathetic?
I'm trying so so hard, but I'm losing strength.
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