It's God's Honest Truth... I Just Miss You.

I woke up later than I would've liked. Around 12:05pm. But I still walked a mile after I brushed my teeth and had a glass of water.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I really need it. I need to be surrounded to by people. And that's what's going to be going on Saturday and Sunday. I finally get to wear a dress and be a girly girl. Ooh la la.

Tonight is okay, I think. I'm kind of on the verge of tears. I don't know why.

I wish someone would tell me that they love me. I don't hear it enough. It doesn't have to be in an intimate way. Someone tell me that they're proud of me. I don't hear it enough. Someone tell me that I'm smart. I don't hear it enough. Someone tell me that I'm cute or pretty. I don't hear it enough. Someone tell me that I'm funny. I don't hear it enough.

I still feel so empty. I don't know how to fill the void. I swear, I'm trying to get back to my normal self. But I feel like I lost her years ago. I miss her.

I'm trying to be happy. But I feel like no one cares. And maybe that's the truth. Maybe no one truly cares. Maybe my fears are coming true. Maybe no one is caring anymore. Maybe everyone is still leaving.

GODDAMNIT. Bring back the old me!!!!! Please fucking God, I can't do this anymore! I get it! It's a fucking test! Well, I give up! I give up so fucking bad. Please please please I want me back!!! I WANT TO SEE BRIGHT COLORS IN EVERYTHING AGAIN. PLEASE. I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING ALONE. I'M TIRED OF CRYING. Please please please don't do this to me. I've learned my lesson. Always be kind. Be generous. Be honest. Never lie. Don't be materialistic. I GET IT. I've had enough of this bullshit.

I WANT HER BACK. When I look in the mirror, I want to see her smile again. When I hear a joke, I want to hear her laugh exit my mouth. When I'm alone, I want to hear her positive thoughts inside my head.

I miss her. I miss her so much. And if she comes back to me, I will welcome her back with open arms. I'll hug her so tight and never ever let go. I need her back with me, by my side. She and I will conquer the world together.

I want you back. I want your life to be mine again. I want to explore with you. I want to see your smile and to hear your laugh. I miss your confidence. I miss everything about you. Come back to me.

I wish I was still a teenager. I wish I could call this "teen angst". I wish I could just have an excuse for all these feelings. But I'm an adult. I'm feeling sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration, panic, and regret. These feelings are too real and they hurt.

I want me back. That's all I want. I'll do anything.

*Tonight's title brought to you by E for Explosion. Click it.