My family has somehow fallen apart. Everyone is just so sad. It feels like someone just died. My mother was sobbing the other night. So, I made her a cup of tea and got her a glass of water.
My dad was so upset that he didn't eat dinner and went to bed early.
My mother did the same. Skipped dinner and headed to bed early.
As much as I would love to show my sadness, I feel the need to be strong. Everyone around me is crumbling. I've done as much as I can. Put the groceries away, emptied the dishwasher, went on a little day trip to get a bale of hay with my mom. We even put together a "Cheer Me Up" basket for my dad, full of his favorite things.
As far as everything else goes...
After all of this, I feel myself regaining strength, like I'm ready for the world. People are just disappointing me, left and right. After all of this, I have my family. I have my sister and my parents. That's all I need.
I'm done being defensive. I'm done trying to protect myself from further pain. Because you know what? Pain is inevitable. It's a powerful force and it cannot be avoided. After the event if this week, I'm ready to face this head on. I'm ready to beat this depression. I'm ready to beat my pain. I'm ready to live this life without friends.
I know I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. But I'm fine with it now. I'm still here. Still standing strong. I don't have a shoulder to cry on. I can't call anyone at 2am. I can't do any of this. But I'm more than okay with this, to be honest. And you know, it IS possible to have this kind of life and still be happy. I refuse to be some miserable friendless girl.
I'm going to put forth all of my strength and effort to find the old me. I'm going to be on top of the world. You just wait.
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