2011, I Won't Miss You.

I've learned so much lately from so many people. It's unbelievable to know that I've gotten this far despite everything that has happened in the past year.

Unfortunately, I know true pain. I've become accustomed to the taste of tears. I know disappointment and sadness. I know happiness, joy, and excitement. I know anxiety and fear and courage. 

I know so much now. I learned so much. I've learned some of the hardest lessons this year. It's unfair, really. But then again, I've gained as much as I've lost. 

I've gained confidence, strength, and security. I've also gained distrust. I cannot trust anymore. I'm wary of strangers. I'm hesitant to let people become my friends. I won't let anyone in anymore. It's a defense mechanism. Can you really blame me? 

For the past two years, I've been so cautious and careful. And recently, I've become so reckless and so carefree. But I'm young, and that's a good enough excuse for me. 

This year has given me a taste of both heaven and hell. All I know now is that I'm ready. I'm ready for the world. I'm ready to submerse myself in solely school. I'm ready to get my degree and move on to get my Bachelor's Degree. And after that? I'm going to England. 

Fuck another state. I need another country. My closest friends know what I've been through in the past 6 years. And they've all said the same thing to me. "You need a break." 

And I do. I really do need a break. I just need to breathe and take everything in. I need to reevaluate my life. Regroup my thoughts, dreams, and desires. When I'm ready, I'll return to Boston. I'll just know when I'm ready. I'll feel completely at peace and then I'll know to go home. 

After everything that has happened this year, I know what to do. School, work, and job. That's all. 

If DM has taught me anything, it is that I cannot drag people from my past into my future. Education is the key to everything. A job will be my escape. Don't sweat the small stuff. And fuck fear. 

If KC has taught me anything, it is that I have to stand up for myself. I cannot be afraid of confrontation. I cannot run away from my problems. Ask questions until I get clear answers. 

If I have learned anything in the past month, it is to just breathe. To live, laugh, and let go. 

Hopefully, 2012 will be kind to me. No matter how much I lose or gain, I'll always have faith and hope. And that will be enough.