I played Call of Duty and Saints Row: The Third at KC's house. They were really fun but I HATE the Xbox controller. I've played Playstation my entire life and that's what I'm used to. No way in hell am I getting an Xbox.
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I had my interview today. I really hope I get the job. I think my past work experience has helped me big time. The managers are looking over the candidates on Friday. Crossing my fingers :)
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I'm not one to take my own advice. I can't help it. But now, I'm learning to do so. I'm always helping other people and when it comes to helping myself, I never knew what to do. This time, I do. I'm leaving the past in the past. The only time I'll look back is to remember what I've learned and to see how far I've come. I know I've said this before, but I am stronger than I think. That makes me happy and secure.
For years, I've held onto my past. I've held onto shreds of memories of old friends and exes. I've saved old notes that I passed in class in middle school. I've saved old letters, emails, and birthdays cards from people who used to be my best friends. I saved the ticket stub from the date where my ex asked me to be his girlfriend and had my first kiss. I saved a million old pictures of former best friends. I looked through old MySpace comments from ex-best friends. It's still hard and difficult to even think about it. But it has to be done. It has to be set free. All of this.
All of this is just weight. Holding me down. I can't bring these people back. I think DM said this at least 3 times before it finally sunk in. I can't control it. I can't beg people to stay. All I can do now is wish them the best. It's a sad and bittersweet story, isn't it? But it's life. Right? Evan and Joe will always have some sort of impact on my life. And Chrissy, Lindsay, Melissa, and Stephen will always have a place in my heart for them. All of these people have changed me and made me stronger and the person I am today. Whether it's an ex or an ex-best friend, the pain will fade. It will. When I think of Evan, I feel nothing. When I think of Joe, I feel nothing. And my ex best friends, I still feel something. But I also feel it fading.
Some people say that pain does not fade; you just get used to it. I don't believe that. And here's why. How on earth does a human being "get used to" pain? How the hell does that happen? It never happened to me. I still sometimes ache when my sister goes home to her new husband in Rhode Island. So, no, you do not get used to it. It goes away. It does. It fades very very very slowly. It's almost torture, right? I know the feeling all too well.
Here's the thing. Be strong. It's easy to say, I know, and harder to do. But you have to do it. Be strong. Have faith. Have hope. Look forward. Look up. Look around you. Look at the people still here with you. You're in a rut, so what? You do what you have to. Claw your way out if you must. I know I did. It's possible. The pain that you feel every fucking day- it's just temporary. Beat it. Beat the shit out of your pain. Tell it to fuck off. I know I did.
Be the person that people don't think you're capable of being. Life is designed to kick your ass. So, fight back, harder.
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