Let's go to Roxbury. Let's skip rocks at the beach. Let's scream into the starry, cloudless sky at 2am. Let's do crazy fucking shit because we're young and stupid. Let's expose our hearts to the people who have the ability to hurt us the most.
You know what? I have nothing to lose. Nothing at all. I'm done being afraid of judgment and all of that shit. I'm done being afraid to speak my mind. I'm done being afraid of confrontations. I'm just done.
I'm done being real. I hate being real. Because when you're real, you're vulnerable. Real people are rarities, even treasures. But I was real. I've been real for 6 goddamn years. And where has that gotten me? Nowhere, really.
I don't want to have a "pure heart" anymore. I'm too nice. I care too fucking goddamn much. I always feel guilty. I always feel like I have to make other people happy. I feel like it's my job to listen. I hate being nice. I hatehatehate it. I'm just soooo "caring".
I know I have an addiction. At least I'm admitting it. I know I need help. But I'm not ready. I don't know any other way to cope with pain and stress. I'm sorry, Mom and Dad.
I'd rather be fake. I'd rather be superficial. This way, I am invincible. I can never get hurt. My heart and my peace of mind will be just be immortal.
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